I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
