saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
