i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My breath smells like gin and sadness
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
