i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Come on in and take your pants off
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