Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
