no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
