OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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