allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
