i wish starbucks made bloody marys
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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