imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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