There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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