If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
