I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
