If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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