Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
