I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
