bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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