the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
