I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
