i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In other news, I just burned my penis
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
