Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
