yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
