Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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