Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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