Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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