Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
