I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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