census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
