I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
