your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
