My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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