Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
