I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
