walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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