I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
