my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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