im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just had sex bonerless
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What a dumb baby whore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
