is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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