paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
