ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
