You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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