Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Two words: nipple clamps
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