the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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