Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
