she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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