I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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