remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
