Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Randomize
