i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
