she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
