I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
