I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
