Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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