No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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