Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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