I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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