You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
