Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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