I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
