And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
