he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize