girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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