I hope mine doesn't look like that
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
