So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
