There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
