That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
