sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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