I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
