Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
