Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
