That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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