u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
