Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
