That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
