Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
