Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
